wild woman of God | spiritual warfare
When I woke up today, I felt grief and wept most of the morning. In tears, I cried out to God about everything going on with me right now. “I know what I’m feeling, I just don’t understand why I’m feeling it. Help me understand.” I repeated that so many times.
In all my talking, I spoke about what I’m afraid of and uncertain about right now. That unexpectedly led me to consider identity, and I ended up wondering, “who am I?” My identity in Christ is very clear, let that not be mistaken or misunderstood. That question is about who I am right now while everything changes. Who is Jazzmīne Nichole Bustamante today? As a friend, a family member, a lover, a human? In all of the shedding and unraveling and unveiling, what is left? Who is left?
I remember when I went to the alter one Sunday morning at my once church home, Harvestime Tabernacle. I wasn’t shy about going to the alter because I always knew my need. This time and for the first time, Pastor Byrd laid hands and prayed over me. It was the first time I ever heard someone call me according to an identity apart from “her” or “Your daughter.” I think the instruction was to step out, let loose, or be free... it had a lot to do with freedom. I was being called to come out and come in as a “wild woman of God.” That phrase from that moment forward was etched into its rightful place on my heart. “Wild woman of God!” — it felt accurate, direct, grounding, clear, certain, right.
And here I am, unraveling, unfolding, becoming, being born again, transforming. I can tell something is emerging. The electricity, the shock of change is intense and hard to deny. I embrace it although it’s terrifying. It’s not easy to walk in let alone dive into, yet I dive. I keep reminding myself that there’s grace and that grace is sufficient for me right now because, truthfully, all of this transformation has me weak. Because with it came spiritual warfare, and I’m weary.
Still, these battles aren’t mine, they are the LORD’s. Still, no weapon formed against me shall prosper. Still, my God will complete this work and see it through to the finish. So, here I go being knocked down just to get back up again. Being taunted just to stand my ground. Still, here I am stepping forward in faith and trusting that what I believe and know to be true is true. And I will stand here, feet firmly planted, eyes forward, and declare that I BELIEVE. I am victorious. I walk in victory. Every good thing that’s in store will come and is coming. I am a wild woman of God. And I will shout that with sword and shield in hand 🛡⚔️
