...that's the kicker.
A few weeks ago, I had an honest conversation with God during one of my journaling sessions. I’d just signed a petition demanding my employer give all of its staff paid leave during the COVID-19 pandemic a week before New York issued a mandatory lockdown. I woke up the next day feeling guilty. Guilty because I’d made that decision out of anger. Of all the responsibilities I felt the company overlooks, that was one I couldn’t just be okay about. Guilty because my mom and so many other people were being required to work because they are essential workers during this crisis. Guilty because, once my job announced store closures, I had the privilege of being home and being paid. I was privileged and felt guilty because of it, so I asked God how He makes decisions because I needed to know if I did the right thing. Feeling unsure if I’d made the “right decision,” I asked my Heavenly Father quite plainly:
“How did you know anything was a ‘right decision’? I realize that a lot of your choices have to do with redeeming us to yourself, so how did you know they were ‘right’ or ‘best’ or ‘good’… Is your reason love? Is that the whole point? Love?”
I didn’t realize what I was asking. All I wanted to know was how to make better decisions, so I wouldn’t look back and wonder so much. What I got in response was so much more than I expected. Did you know God is intentional? Travis Greene wrote an entire song about it, and I can take it a step further by mentioning there is an entire book written about it — the Bible. Every book from Genesis to Revelation is a story saturated in God’s intention and inspired by His love. Love led Him to create man and woman with His bare hands after making all of creation and determining it was good; love led Him to save Noah and his family during the floods; love led Him to save His people through Jacob, Moses, Joseph, and David; love led Him to choose a liar like Jacob, an adulterer like David, and others who would seem unqualified to be called children of God; love is why He said David was a man after His own heart; love is why He chose regular men to become disciples; love is why He chose Paul after he’d persecuted so many Believers; love led Him to the cross to be an atonement for the sins of man[kind] just so that we all could be made right with Himself and stand firm in relationship with Him AND receive the Holy Spirit. Love did all of that, and as it is written, He continues to work all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called to His purpose.
(WHEW! *takes a breath* Hope you’re still with me)
“You make decisions out of love. Father, you make decisions that are final and can change in action but never in their destination. Every detail serves a purpose… I want to be that intentional… So then every decision I make must facilitate that purpose.”
When I journaled all of that, I had to ask myself what my endgame goal is. After all of this, after this life, after it’s all done, what do I want? There are dreams and goals and desires that I hope happen before then, but what do I want at the end? I never really batted an eye at the thought until I wrote this journal entry. At the end of it all, I want to meet Him and see the completion of His perfect promise that my soul will be with Him forever — my endgame is salvation. I can make a lot of decisions in life, and I can do a lot of things, but you know one thing I can’t do no matter how much I try? Facilitate my own salvation. Do you know why I can’t facilitate my own salvation? It is written in Ephesians 2:8-9 that “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.” Any attempts I make to facilitate my own salvation is called self-righteousness. It feeds a worldly desire to be in control and invalidates the saving power of the grace of God. My friend, God’s grace is why I’m saved. That’s literally it right there, and the proof is in the pudding.
The only decision I can make is to have faith. It almost seems too easy, yet it’s actually the most difficult decision any of us can make in life. As a Believer, my faith comes by hearing, and that hearing by the Word of God. [Romans 10:17] That faith is a gift from God that comes by Christ (the Word of God literally is Christ, and He lives in us by His Holy Spirit, but that’s another message).
As Believers, it’s easy to find comfort in the fact that we have the Word of God with us, and we can use it as a tool to correct and convict. Once we give our lives to Christ, it’s easy to know we are saved and be convinced that all the good we do somehow facilitates and proves that salvation to be true. It’s easy to somehow find a way to subconsciously control the big “what if” of our lives and its purpose. Yes, we are called, and yes, we are chosen. Yes, we ought to live our lives in such a way as to be totally separate from the world. Knowing all of that is easy. What isn’t always easy easy is knowing it and truly leaning into the fact that it’s not only about the good decisions and the right choices we make. Those things do not define our right-standing with God nor our salvation from the toll of sin. Our faith in His Word, the death and resurrection of Christ, the reception of His Holy Spirit, and the perfect fulfillment of His promises is our righteousness. Our faith is our righteousness, and it can only be given by hearing and hearing by the Word of God, which is, in fact, our salvation.
And that’s the kicker.
“When I make any decision, I must have faith — faith given by and founded on love because Your love gave me this life. Your love gave me this freedom to choose and this freedom to believe this one truth: You make all things work together for the good of those who love you, those who are called to Your purpose.”
all photos by Curt Saunders
